People: When are you due?
People: It’s November
Funny story: on Sunday I’ll have been pregnant for 10 months. I’m also being induced Sunday- So by Sunday I’ll have a kid. w00t!
Another funny story, I’m doing NaNoWriMo again this year. And I’m still doing the sketchbook project. And I must be a fucking lunatic because I’m going to write a 50,000 word novel, finish (I hope) 1/2 of my sketchbook (which is due in January), and take care of a brand spanking new infant all in November. Which starts today.
What the hell am I thinking? I’m thinking I’m going to be home a lot especially during the first month of infantitude. And it’s getting cold, so I’m going to be spending a lot of that time inside… I need to keep my mind active. I NEED to do NaNoWriMo again or else I’m going to go mad…well, madder than I am already. I’ve seen those new moms…the ones who forget the English language and who they were before they had a baby because all they do is take care of said baby. Then they become obsessive over every little parenting thing because there simply isn’t anything else to think about. Then that obsession turns into self-righteousness, then they buy a box of soap and well, I already wrote a blog post about that didn’t I…
So what is my novel going to be about? I have no idea. Last year I did a kabbalah zombie horror comedy inspired by my estranged paternal grandmother and her friend Larry…most of the characters (and everyone in Riverdale) died. It was my first ever novel. It was also the worst fucking novel ever written. Maybe this year I’ll write about this poor woman who was pregnant forfuckingever. Maybe I’ll write it about my awesome (and often blogged about) maternal grandparents. Maybe I’ll write it about my gay degus (I don’t mean gay in a derogatory way, I mean I have two male degus who have sex and sleep together and snuggle and groom each other and occasionally argue like an old married couple- it’s very sweet) Maybe I better figure this out soon, because I’m a few pages in already and have no idea where this is going.
A few other thoughts I need to get out before I give birth and forget to vent/express them:
- If one more person tells me to have sex I’m going to rape them in every available orifice with an old splintery broom handle.
- I’m sooo glad I live in a ‘hood like Inwood. It’s full of awesome people and awesome moms that I’m friends with, and I’m not the least bit afraid of being isolated in stay-at-home motherhood because all I have to do is sneeze and I land in front of an awesome person to hang out with.
- Sometimes people (especially ones who don’t use twitter) who read my tweets/blog make fun of me because I tweet about “everything”. One day, I’m going to actually tweet every thing I do, everything, every shit, shower, shag, and shoe shine. Here’s the thing about twitter that a lot of people don’t get. It’s a community thing. A huge chunk of my in-real-life ‘hood friends come from my twitter interactions. A huge chunk of the people I ‘talk’ with on twitter I haven’t met in real life. It’s not creepy it’s awesome, and cool, and often therapeutic because it helps you realize you aren’t the only one with -insert thing- out there. Sure I tweet stupid shit, but I get responses on a lot of that stupid shit, and it’s fun. When I was in miserable hot-flash land during the heat wave and I didn’t leave the apartment much because I was swollen and sweaty and pregnant I was talking and commiserating and joking around with people on twitter/tumblr/facebook. So there.
- Three weeks ago, I forgot to pick up my farm share. Two weeks ago I forgot to pick up my farm share. Last week I forgot to pick up my farm share. At first I was upset that I was losing all this food. But then I remembered that the homeless shelter comes by and picks up the unclaimed food and feeds the homeless people with it. So while forgetting my farm share for three weeks, I gave three weeks worth of produce to homeless people. I’ll probably forget this week too. And that’s ok. I’m lucky that I can afford to go to the store and buy all the food I need, and I hope that whatever homeless guy is eating my local organic produce enjoys it.
- In less than a week I’m going to be a mother. holy shit.
- In less than a week Mr Levin is going to be a father. holy shit
- holy shit
- I’m going to try and live tweet my birth/labor. I don’t know if anyone has ever done this before, but I definitely won’t be the last. And don’t tell me tweeting labor is weird. You know what’s weird? Filming it and uploading your big snatch and flapjack titties to youtube, or showing it to your kids 20 years later. Thats fucking weird.
- I know I blogged about how much I hate soapbox moms but I’m going to climb up on a soapbox and say this: Moms who don’t vaccinate their kids are fucking morons. Not vaccinating your kids won’t protect them from autism. Your kids are going to be retarded just like their mom no matter what. One day your kid is going to get polio and you’re going to feel like an asshole. Then instead of being just a retard-like-his-mom, he’s going to be a retard-like-his-mom-but-also-with-polio.
- I used to hate having ADHD, but now I love it. Sure I have the attention span of a fruit fly but I think that oooooh look shiny
- If you live in California vote to legalize marijuana. VOTE YES on Prop 19
- I’ve noticed that the longer I’m pregnant the more swear-words end up in my posts.
- Fuck You
- I miss the Lower East Side
- My ‘gay best friend’ moved away. I need a new one. Is there an application I need to fill out or a waiting list or something?