Showing posts tagged Religion.

Tumbling Jewyorican

Ask me a question!    This is where I post interesting and important things I find in the series of tubes y'all call the internet

    Oy Vey Maria

    The following conversation actually fucking happened:

    Catholic Person: Are you having the baby baptized?

    Me: No

    CP: Why?

    Me: Mike and I are Jewish

    CP: Yeah but what about the baby

    Me: Also Jewish

    CP: But if she isn’t baptized what are you going to do?

    Me: Well I’m pretty new at this but I imagine I’ll be doing some combination of feeding, cleaning, and burping

    CP: So what do Jews do?

    Me: Boys get a bris

    CP: And girls?

    Me: Well some girls have baby naming ceremonies, but not everyone does it

    CP: That’s sexist

    Me: I think that if you had your foreskin removed you deserve a party. Also I’m pretty sure the catholic church isn’t in a position to call ANYTHING sexist seeing as you only rape the little boys.

    CP: Yo that’s not right. All I’m saying is that you should baptize your baby.

    Me: What’s not right is you trying to pour a bowl of your religion over my baby’s head. Or do you people do the dunking thing

    CP: You don’t have to be a bitch about it.


    I miss the good ol days when the catholics would just kill the people who wouldn’t get baptized instead of constantly nagging them. But I guess torturing and killing everyone isn’t politically correct anymore.

    — 3 years ago with 4 notes
    #jewish  #catholic  #religion  #baby  #kvetching 
    Parshah Haiku: Lech Lecha

    Lech Lecha: (Genesis 12:1-17:27)

    G*d shows Abe Canaan/

    Hey Mister! She’s my sister!/

    Foreskin for the win!


    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)


    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Bereshit,  #Torah  #Lech Lecha  #Haiku  #Poetry  #Torah  #Canaan  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Religion  #Parsha  #Parshah