The following conversation actually fucking happened:

Catholic Person: Are you having the baby baptized?

Me: No

CP: Why?

Me: Mike and I are Jewish

CP: Yeah but what about the baby

Me: Also Jewish

CP: But if she isn’t baptized what are you going to do?

Me: Well I’m pretty new at this but I imagine I’ll be doing some combination of feeding, cleaning, and burping

CP: So what do Jews do?

Me: Boys get a bris

CP: And girls?

Me: Well some girls have baby naming ceremonies, but not everyone does it

CP: That’s sexist

Me: I think that if you had your foreskin removed you deserve a party. Also I’m pretty sure the catholic church isn’t in a position to call ANYTHING sexist seeing as you only rape the little boys.

CP: Yo that’s not right. All I’m saying is that you should baptize your baby.

Me: What’s not right is you trying to pour a bowl of your religion over my baby’s head. Or do you people do the dunking thing

CP: You don’t have to be a bitch about it.

-headdesk-

I miss the good ol days when the catholics would just kill the people who wouldn’t get baptized instead of constantly nagging them. But I guess torturing and killing everyone isn’t politically correct anymore.

Lech Lecha: (Genesis 12:1-17:27)

G*d shows Abe Canaan/

Hey Mister! She’s my sister!/

Foreskin for the win!

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

READ THIS WEEKS PARSHAH http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9169&p=1