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Tumbling Jewyorican

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    Parshah Haiku: Va’eira

    Va’eira  - Exodus 6:2-9:35

    The Nile is bleeding/
    Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup/
    Can the Hebrews go yet?

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15560

    Read last week’s haiku! http://is.gd/6ObE3

    — 4 years ago with 2 notes
    #Torah,  #parshah  #haiku  #poetry 
    Parshah Haiku: Shemot

    Shemot: Exodus 1:1 - 6:1

    Moe’s on the water/
    And fire’s in the bush/
    Let my people go!

    *Bonus Parshah Haiku!

    Moses supposes/
    His toses are Egyptian/
    (erroneously)

    *Bonus Tasteless Parshah Haiku!

    how did Moses know/
    that he had an std?/
    from the burning bush

    Read this week’s Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15559

    Read Last Week’s Parshah Haiku! http://is.gd/61skg

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Moses,  #Poetry,  #Torah  #Haiku  #Shemot  #Parshah  #Exodus 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayechi

    Vayechi Genesis 47:28-50:26

    Jacob wants to reveal/
    the end of days but leaves it to/
    subway crackpots instead

    *****************

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15558

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5FHqa -vayigash

    http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Genesis  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Poetry 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayigash

    Vayigash Genesis 44:18-47:27

    (ok so this haiku is a week late- better than never!)

    Let’s move to Goshen/
    What could possibly go wrong?/
    Pharoh’s a cool guy

    *********************

    Read this Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15557

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!
    http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah  #Jewish  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Genesis  #Vayigash  #Poetry 
    Parshah Haiku: Mikeitz

    Mikeitz Genesis 41:1-44:17

    Fat cow Skinny cow/
    Ben gets planted with pimp cup/
    by Governor Joe

    ********************

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15556


    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah,  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Bible  #Genesis 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayishlach

    Vayishlach: Genesis 32:4-36:43

    Jacob and Esau hug/

    Silly Shechem, Chicks are for Yids!/

    Bilhah smashed the homie

    *******************

    READ THIS PARSHAH!: http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15554

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)*


    *This week’s haiku is 6-8-6

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah,  #Bible,  #Genesis,  #Parshah  #Jacob  #Esau 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayeitzei

    Vayeitzei- Genesis 28:10-32:3 

    Jake sees a ladder/

    Opens a can of whoop Ass/

    And begets 12 sons

    ***********

    READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/default_cdo/jewish/Parshah.htm

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Haiku,  #Bible,  #Jacob's Ladder,  #Torah  #Parshah  #Poetry  #Jewish  #Jacob  #Israel 
    Parshah Haiku: Chayei Sarah

    Chayei Sarah - Genesis 23:1-25:18

    Rivka likes camels/

    Ish and Itz got over it/

    (tell that to their kids)

    ************************

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9171

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    — 4 years ago
    #torah,  #jewish,  #Parshah  #haiku  #chayei sarah  #poetry  #genesis 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayeira

    Vayeira (Genesis 18:1-22:24)


    Sodom butt pirates/

    Hey Abe! Ditch Ish and Kill Itz!/

    Just Kidding. Kill Ram

    ********************************

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9170

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Parshah  #haiku  #poetry  #torah  #vayeira  #issac  #abraham  #bible  #jewish  #jewish 
    Parshah Haiku: Lech Lecha

    Lech Lecha: (Genesis 12:1-17:27)

    G*d shows Abe Canaan/

    Hey Mister! She’s my sister!/

    Foreskin for the win!

    *******************

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    READ THIS WEEKS PARSHAH http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9169&p=1

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Bereshit,  #Torah  #Lech Lecha  #Haiku  #Poetry  #Torah  #Canaan  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Religion  #Parsha  #Parshah 
    Parshah Haiku: Noach

    Noach: (Genesis 6:9-11:32)

    G*d gets hella pissed/

    Noah sloshes around in an arc/

    Then gets really sloshed

    *********

    BONUS HAFTORAH HAIKU! (Isaiah 54:1-10)

    Isaiah says chill/

    G*d won’t get pissed off at Jews/

    Hills might collapse tho

    *******

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    Read this weeks parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9168&p=1

    — 5 years ago
    #Noach,  #Genesis,  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Torah  #Jewish  #Noah  #Poetry  #Poem 
    Parshah Haiku: Bereshit

    I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament) Just in time for Simchat Torah! Huzzah!

    Bereshit 1:1-6:8:

    In the Beginning/

    We ate bad fruit and Cain killed/

    Blah Blah Blah Noach

    *********

    BONUS HAFTORAH HAIKU!

    Isaiah 42:5-21

    G*d told Isaiah/

    To get his prophesy on/

    Don’t F*ck with Israel


    — 5 years ago with 1 note
    #Genesis,  #Poetry,  #Bereshit  #Simchat Torah  #Adam & Eve  #Torah  #Bible  #Parshah  #Haiku