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Tumbling Jewyorican

Ask me a question!    This is where I post interesting and important things I find in the series of tubes y'all call the internet

http://rflevin.com

twitter.com/Jewyorican:

    Wow! My happy new-mom hormones are in overdrive! A woman from @Chabad just called and asked if I wanted to donate some amount of $ so that poor people could celebrate Chanukah but the baby was fussing and I wasn’t listening to how much money she wanted but I said ok to whatever she said and gave my credit card number and I have no idea how much I donated. I hope it was a good amount.

    Chappy Chanukah Chabad!

    — 3 years ago with 1 note
    #charity  #chabad  #money  #love  #jewish 
    Oy Vey Maria

    The following conversation actually fucking happened:

    Catholic Person: Are you having the baby baptized?

    Me: No

    CP: Why?

    Me: Mike and I are Jewish

    CP: Yeah but what about the baby

    Me: Also Jewish

    CP: But if she isn’t baptized what are you going to do?

    Me: Well I’m pretty new at this but I imagine I’ll be doing some combination of feeding, cleaning, and burping

    CP: So what do Jews do?

    Me: Boys get a bris

    CP: And girls?

    Me: Well some girls have baby naming ceremonies, but not everyone does it

    CP: That’s sexist

    Me: I think that if you had your foreskin removed you deserve a party. Also I’m pretty sure the catholic church isn’t in a position to call ANYTHING sexist seeing as you only rape the little boys.

    CP: Yo that’s not right. All I’m saying is that you should baptize your baby.

    Me: What’s not right is you trying to pour a bowl of your religion over my baby’s head. Or do you people do the dunking thing

    CP: You don’t have to be a bitch about it.

    -headdesk-

    I miss the good ol days when the catholics would just kill the people who wouldn’t get baptized instead of constantly nagging them. But I guess torturing and killing everyone isn’t politically correct anymore.

    — 3 years ago with 4 notes
    #jewish  #catholic  #religion  #baby  #kvetching 

    I’m at the Vegetarian Dim Sum house on Pell St reminiscing about when I used to come here years ago and the only people here were Chinese or Jewish (90% Chinese 10% Jewish unless it was Xmas then it was 50/50). Now Mr Levin and I are the only Jews, there’s 1 table of Chinese and the rest of the place is fucking loudmouth fucking hipsters. Seriously. Someone just asked for a fucking fork. Dimsum isn’t ironic-go back to Williamsburg asshole. The waiters speak English now.

    At least the food is still just as good as it was back then.

    Fucking Hipsters

    — 3 years ago with 1 note
    #dim sum  #food  #hipsters  #rant  #chinese  #jewish  #nyc  #kvetching 

    Kosher Turkeys and Mr. Levin’s Beard

    A non-Jewish neighbor needed a favor from Mike. This is what happened

    — 3 years ago with 3 notes
    #FTW  #Food  #Jewish  #Kosher  #WTF  #Neighbors  #Funny 

    A Convo I had with a "Jew for Jesus" in the subway

    J4J:Don't walk away! We are the same!
    Me:No we aren't
    J4J:Tell me one way we are different
    Me:I'm Jewish
    J4J:But don't you see? I'm Jewish too!
    Me:Let me rephrase that. I'm actually Jewish
    — 4 years ago
    #Christianity,  #Subway,  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Jesus  #Jews  #NYC 
    Mrs. Levin’s (that’s me) Step By Step (sort of) Guide to making Gefilte Fish

    Step 1: Catch a Fish (make sure it has BOTH fins and scales)


    Step 2: Get a guy who isn’t skeeved out by fish guts to fillet the fish for you (but keep the heads etc to make the fish stock)

    Step 3: De-bone the fish fillets

    Step 4: Place the  bones, skin, and fish heads in a large pot. Add water and salt and bring to a boil. Remove the foamy stuff. Slice 1 onion in rounds and add along with some carrots, and celery. Add sugar and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for about 20 minutes while the fish fillets  are being prepped.

    Step 5:  Put the deboned fish fillets in a blender.

    Step 6: Blend them.

    Step 7: In a Slapchop finely chop  onions,  carrots, and maybe a parsnip- add to the blended fish

    Step 8: Mix in  eggs,  some salt, pepper,  cold water, and mix . Stir in enough matzah meal to make a light, soft mixture into ovals (or cubes for all I care), about the size of…i dunno… a fracking gefilte fish.

    Step 9: Take the onions, skins, head, and bones out of the pot and return the stock to a simmer. Put the fish ovals (or trapezoids) in the simmering fish stock. Cover loosely and simmer for an episode of COPS.
    Step 10: Remove the Gefiltes from the stock with a spoon with holes in it (thine holy spoon).

    Step 11: Chill, Smother in horseradish, Feed to husband.

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Cooking,  #Jewish  #Food  #Kosher  #Recipe  #Guide  #Gefilte  #Fish 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayechi

    Vayechi Genesis 47:28-50:26

    Jacob wants to reveal/
    the end of days but leaves it to/
    subway crackpots instead

    *****************

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15558

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5FHqa -vayigash

    http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Genesis  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Poetry 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayigash

    Vayigash Genesis 44:18-47:27

    (ok so this haiku is a week late- better than never!)

    Let’s move to Goshen/
    What could possibly go wrong?/
    Pharoh’s a cool guy

    *********************

    Read this Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15557

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!
    http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah  #Jewish  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Genesis  #Vayigash  #Poetry 
    Parshah Haiku: Mikeitz

    Mikeitz Genesis 41:1-44:17

    Fat cow Skinny cow/
    Ben gets planted with pimp cup/
    by Governor Joe

    ********************

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15556


    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah,  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Bible  #Genesis 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayeishev

    Vayeishev: Genesis 37:1-40:23

    Ditched by his brothers/
    who don’t like his colored coat/
    Joe heads to Egypt

    ********************

    Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15555


    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

    http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Torah  #Bible  #Genesis  #Jewish  #Haiku  #Poetry  #Vayeishev 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayeitzei

    Vayeitzei- Genesis 28:10-32:3 

    Jake sees a ladder/

    Opens a can of whoop Ass/

    And begets 12 sons

    ***********

    READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/default_cdo/jewish/Parshah.htm

    Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

    http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

    http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

    http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

    http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

    http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

    http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

    For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Haiku,  #Bible,  #Jacob's Ladder,  #Torah  #Parshah  #Poetry  #Jewish  #Jacob  #Israel 
    Parshah Haiku: Vayeira

    Vayeira (Genesis 18:1-22:24)


    Sodom butt pirates/

    Hey Abe! Ditch Ish and Kill Itz!/

    Just Kidding. Kill Ram

    ********************************

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9170

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Parshah  #haiku  #poetry  #torah  #vayeira  #issac  #abraham  #bible  #jewish  #jewish 
    Parshah Haiku: Lech Lecha

    Lech Lecha: (Genesis 12:1-17:27)

    G*d shows Abe Canaan/

    Hey Mister! She’s my sister!/

    Foreskin for the win!

    *******************

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    READ THIS WEEKS PARSHAH http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9169&p=1

    — 4 years ago with 1 note
    #Bereshit,  #Torah  #Lech Lecha  #Haiku  #Poetry  #Torah  #Canaan  #Jewish  #Judaism  #Religion  #Parsha  #Parshah 
    Parshah Haiku: Noach

    Noach: (Genesis 6:9-11:32)

    G*d gets hella pissed/

    Noah sloshes around in an arc/

    Then gets really sloshed

    *********

    BONUS HAFTORAH HAIKU! (Isaiah 54:1-10)

    Isaiah says chill/

    G*d won’t get pissed off at Jews/

    Hills might collapse tho

    *******

    For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

    Read this weeks parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9168&p=1

    — 4 years ago
    #Noach,  #Genesis,  #Parshah  #Haiku  #Torah  #Jewish  #Noah  #Poetry  #Poem 
    Other Cool Puerto Rican Jews ( other than myself :-P )

    david blaine david blaine

    mathias brugman

    Mathias Brugman

    Quiara Alegria Hudes

    Quiara Alegria Hudes

    Julio P Kaplan

    Geraldo Rivera

    Brenda K Starr

    Joaquin Phoenix

    Manny Lehman

    — 5 years ago with 2 notes
    #Puerto RIcan  #Jewish