Va’eira  - Exodus 6:2-9:35

The Nile is bleeding/
Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup/
Can the Hebrews go yet?

Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15560

Read last week’s haiku! http://is.gd/6ObE3

Shemot: Exodus 1:1 - 6:1

Moe’s on the water/
And fire’s in the bush/
Let my people go!

*Bonus Parshah Haiku!

Moses supposes/
His toses are Egyptian/
(erroneously)

*Bonus Tasteless Parshah Haiku!

how did Moses know/
that he had an std?/
from the burning bush

Read this week’s Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15559

Read Last Week’s Parshah Haiku! http://is.gd/61skg

Vayechi Genesis 47:28-50:26

Jacob wants to reveal/
the end of days but leaves it to/
subway crackpots instead

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Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15558

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

http://is.gd/5FHqa -vayigash

http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

Vayigash Genesis 44:18-47:27

(ok so this haiku is a week late- better than never!)

Let’s move to Goshen/
What could possibly go wrong?/
Pharoh’s a cool guy

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Read this Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15557

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!
http://is.gd/5FGXS -mikeitz

http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

For those of you who missed previous haikus or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

Mikeitz Genesis 41:1-44:17

Fat cow Skinny cow/
Ben gets planted with pimp cup/
by Governor Joe

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Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15556

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

http://is.gd/5r8rA -vayeishev

http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

Vayeishev: Genesis 37:1-40:23

Ditched by his brothers/
who don’t like his colored coat/
Joe heads to Egypt

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Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15555

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

http://is.gd/5jGbN -vayishlach

http://is.gd/5ebKS -vayeitzei

http://is.gd/56fLI -toldot

http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

For those of you who missed previous week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

Toldot- Genesis 25:19-28:9

Esau then Jacob/

You gonna pay for that stew?/

Jacob then Esau

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9172

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

http://is.gd/4YT8J -chayei sarah

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

Chayei Sarah - Genesis 23:1-25:18

Rivka likes camels/

Ish and Itz got over it/

(tell that to their kids)

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9171

Read Past Parshah Haikus!!

http://is.gd/4RJW7 -vayeira

http://is.gd/4RJYS -lech lecha

http://is.gd/4RK0s -noach

http://is.gd/4RK38 -bereshit

Vayeira (Genesis 18:1-22:24)

Sodom butt pirates/

Hey Abe! Ditch Ish and Kill Itz!/

Just Kidding. Kill Ram

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

READ THIS WEEK’S PARSHAH!! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/9170

Lech Lecha: (Genesis 12:1-17:27)

G*d shows Abe Canaan/

Hey Mister! She’s my sister!/

Foreskin for the win!

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

READ THIS WEEKS PARSHAH http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9169&p=1

Noach: (Genesis 6:9-11:32)

G*d gets hella pissed/

Noah sloshes around in an arc/

Then gets really sloshed

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BONUS HAFTORAH HAIKU! (Isaiah 54:1-10)

Isaiah says chill/

G*d won’t get pissed off at Jews/

Hills might collapse tho

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For those of you who missed last week’s haiku or  are desperately trying to block my poor attempts at pious poetry out of your minds-I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament)

Read this weeks parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/TorahReading.asp?AID=9168&p=1

I’ve decided to write haikus for every parshah in the Torah! (goyim translation: I make a weekly 5-7-5 diddy about sections of ye olde testament) Just in time for Simchat Torah! Huzzah!

Bereshit 1:1-6:8:

In the Beginning/

We ate bad fruit and Cain killed/

Blah Blah Blah Noach

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BONUS HAFTORAH HAIKU!

Isaiah 42:5-21

G*d told Isaiah/

To get his prophesy on/

Don’t F*ck with Israel