As many of you already know, It is illegal in New York CIty to own a primate. I have tried for many years to be able to procure a permit to own a primate but to no avail. Numerous calls to 311 and various city agencies were fruitless. There are no permits available for people like me; only for zoological institutions, and organizations looking to host an animal exhibition.

This was unacceptable, as I have always dreamed of one day having a primate. In an attempt to find a loophole in the law, I looked at the law itself.:

“For the purposes of this Code, wild animals are deemed to be any animals which are naturally inclined to do harm and capable of inflicting harm upon human beings and are hereby prohibited pursuant to subsection (a). Such animals shall include: (i) any animals specified by the Commissioner in regulations promulgated pursuant to this section; (ii) any native or exotic wildlife whose possession or sale is prohibited because they are designated as protected or endangered pursuant to any federal, state or local law, regulation, or rule; and (iii) any of the following animals: All non-human primates, including, but not limited to, monkey, ape, chimpanzee, gorilla and lemur.”

After seeing the blatant (and I must say irresponsible) legislative loophole and talking with my lawyer, I realized that my dreams of having a primate could come true.

With full knowledge of New York City Law, (and a little help from Mike), I am pleased to announce that I am currently incubating an embryonic primate in my uterus.