February 2010
57 posts
January 2010
43 posts
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Hipster at the Hummus Place
Hipster: Excuse me, what's this stuff in the middle?
Waitress: Tehina
Hipster: Oh. What's tehina?
Waitress: It's like a sesame paste
Hipster: Is that a meat?
Waitress: It's a sesame seed
Hipster: Is that meat or dairy?
HuffPost Comedy's State Of The Union Drinking Game... →
Obama says “let me be clear”: Do one shot
Obama says “change isn’t easy”: Do one shot
Obama says “make no mistake”: Do one shot
Obama says “Let me be clear, change isn’t easy, make no mistake.”: He’s screwing with you to get you drunk, so five shots
Joe Wilson yells something: Do two shots
Obama yells back: Finish the bottle
...
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Juice
Me: Ok Grandma, there's apple juice, orange juice, mango juice, cranberry juice, strawberry banana juice, and grape juice. What would you like?
Grandma: Vodka
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Ta Ta Ino
Mom: The Puerto Ricans. They have a tribe. Dayenu.
Me: Taino
Mom: Dayenu?
Me: It's not Pesach. Taino.
Mom: Taiyenu?
Me: ta-i-no
Mom: Dayino?
Me: Dayenu!
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Grandpa: Are you going on vacation this year?
Me: Mike and I want to go to Europe
Grandpa: Last time I went to Europe they shot at me.
For every 3 tourists waiting for the ferry there are probably 5 walk (or float?) of shamers with bloodshot eyes, smudged eyeliner, and starbucks
It could just be the poor sound quality… but I’m reasonably certain that right after saying that the C train will terminate at World Trade Center and the A train will be making all local stops in Brooklyn the conductor said “have a great fucking day”.
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I was standing on a crowded A train. An old lady with a walker got on. There weren’t any seats so she stood.
There were perfectly healthy looking people sitting and nobody offered her a seat. Not the guy in a business suit, not the school kids in the little uniforms, not the lady with the fur coat, not even the MTA guy.
There was a big tattooed guy who’s look could be described as...
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Parshah Haiku: Va'eira
Va’eira - Exodus 6:2-9:35
The Nile is bleeding/ Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup/ Can the Hebrews go yet?
Read this parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15560
Read last week’s haiku! http://is.gd/6ObE3
Burger Shoppe Introduces Mac & Cheese Burger
WANT!
lynnr:
neighborhoodr-fidi:
Urban Daddy just published urgent FiDi foodie news, excerpted below:
…the Mac and Cheese Burger, a meeting of two comfort food staples in one savory new package, available to satisfy your deepest, darkest cravings starting today at the FiDi ground beef oasis Burger Shoppe.
…a mix of cheddar, American, pecorino and Gruyère cheeses with ground Hereford...
A Convo w/ Motti about Reform Judaism (stemming my...
Motti: I hate J4Js i always have an urge to fling poo at them-but that's bio-terrorism
Me: They hate it when you correct them. This is actually the 2nd j4j 'convo' I've had recently. The first one was with someone who thought the Reform Jews were the Jews for Jesus. Honestly i couldn't blame her. Reforms are like the Unitarians of Judaism-sure they're technically Jewish, but if nobody told you, you probably wouldn't figure it out.
Motti: It's like Protestant Christianity without the Jesus, or it was- getting slightly more traditional- some are at least
Me: they play organs on Shabbos, and they do ‘confirmations’
Motti: there is a new wave though, in Reform
Me: Meh, the URJ is sorta like the Austro-Hungarian Empire-spending their entire existence slowly collapsing
Motti: I am uneasy with Reform Judaism
Me: me too
Motti: the theology is weak
Me: Reform theology is pretty much "hey goyim! we're just like you so please stop killing us"
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A Convo I had with a "Jew for Jesus" in the...
J4J: Don't walk away! We are the same!
Me: No we aren't
J4J: Tell me one way we are different
Me: I'm Jewish
J4J: But don't you see? I'm Jewish too!
Me: Let me rephrase that. I'm actually Jewish
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Palestinians: Probe Hamas for war crimes →
Eleven Palestinian human rights groups have asked Hamas to conduct a credible internal investigation into allegations it committed war crimes during last winter’s war with Israel.
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“This is min hashamayim- fu*k that’s hot!”
– Miry getting hot chocolate at hade bade. Quote of the Day
Goyim
Gillian @uptownbirth: What do you call the Jews for Jesus?
Me: Christians
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Popular kids’ trinkets loaded with toxic metal →
Barred from using lead, Chinese makers using more dangerous cadmium
0_o
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Mrs. Levin’s (that's me) Step By Step (sort of)...
Step 1: Catch a Fish (make sure it has BOTH fins and scales)
Step 2: Get a guy who isn’t skeeved out by fish guts to fillet the fish for you (but keep the heads etc to make the fish stock)
Step 3: De-bone the fish fillets
Step 4: Place the bones, skin, and fish heads in a large pot. Add water and salt and bring to a boil. Remove the foamy stuff. Slice 1 onion in rounds and add along with some...
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Parshah Haiku: Shemot
Shemot: Exodus 1:1 - 6:1
Moe’s on the water/ And fire’s in the bush/ Let my people go!
*Bonus Parshah Haiku!
Moses supposes/ His toses are Egyptian/ (erroneously)
*Bonus Tasteless Parshah Haiku!
how did Moses know/ that he had an std?/ from the burning bush
Read this week’s Parshah! http://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading_cdo/aid/15559
Read Last Week’s Parshah Haiku!...
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